Carousels

I'm not a religious person. I don't think I could ever be, really. And while I couldn't say I believe in God either, I struggle to budge from my agnostic viewpoint into either full-fledged atheism or any sort of real belief, despite having thought about it until the point of exhaustion at times. Even though I can't say that I can wholly relate to the subject matter, there's something about mewithoutYou's 'Carousels' that makes it one of the most profound and powerful songs I've ever heard. It gives me shivers every time I hear it. It was the song that made me fall in love with mewithoutYou in the first place. Everything about it is overwhelming: right from the wonderfully atmospheric descending guitar line in the intro that leads its way into a deep groove, the song completely immerses me emotionally from start to finish. This serves as a great platform for Aaron Weiss' performance, which is one of the most passionate and inspiring lyrical and vocal performances I've ever heard. The opening stanza, to me, is one of the most poetic and beautiful ways of saying "I believe in God" that I've ever read:

on a bus ride into town
i wondered out loud,
"why am i going to town?"
as i looked around
at the billboards and the stores
i thought, "why do i look around?"
and i kissed the filthy ground
at the first dry spot i found
and i didn't have to wonder
why i was laying down.

Weiss' lyricism continues to be consistently astounding from there onwards. The song touches on loneliness, doubt and confusion, but, most importantly, the profound faith in God that keeps the narrator anchored despite everything. Sometimes I feel like I am "lost in sinai" myself, and listening to this song, I can't help but wonder. I can't really explain why this song is as powerful for me as it is. Whether you're a devout catholic or decidedly anti-religious, all I ask is that you listen and discover what it means to you for yourself.

if i didn't have You as my guide i'd still wander lost in sinai
or down by the tracks watching trains go by to remind me:
there are places that aren't here.
i had a well but all the water left
so i'll ask your forgiveness with every breath
if there was no way into God,
i would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.

Ten Grand - This Is the Way to Rule (2003)

I was lucky to find this one for only £3 a couple of months back - thank God for Anarchy Records. Once upon a time there was an awesome midwest emo band called The Vidablue who, at some stage in their career, got approached by some douche from Phish who desperately wanted to nick their name. And so The Vidablue became Ten Grand - allegedly an allusion to the sum that they were paid by said hippy to change their name - and went on to make even more badass music that those jam-band wannabes could only dream of creating. Ten Grand are an emo band in the original sense, but their heavy post-punk influence sets them apart from their peers and gives them a much more diverse appeal, making them a good starting point in the genre for fans of indie-rock and post-hardcore. The racket they make is tight and explosive, filled with satisfying post-hardcore riffing and instrumental grooves, fronted by a singer who has a pretty unique and unhinged style that works perfectly with the music.

The urgency of Ten Grand's music is immediately obvious from the opening song 'Hands Off the Merch'. The first minute builds up tension brilliantly, the initial burst of chiming guitars giving away to the continuous thumping of a bass drum - until finally the drums hit their stride and the song explodes into action, vocalist Matt Davis shakily proclaiming "Who's a wreck? I'm a wreck." Then after just two intense minutes it's over, but the rest of the album doesn't lapse in quality for a second. Touches of backup melody in songs like 'Wedding Song for Steve and Angie' and 'Now You Got What I Got' add an interesting dynamic to the record, making it seem much less obviously emo and potentially more approachable for those who aren't necessarily familiar with the genre. 'Fuck You Guyses Teams', one of the record's highlights, has a really tight groove to it that is surprisingly catchy, to the extent that to my ears it could almost be a Bloc Party song. The band has a great ear for dynamics, often bursting from a steady groove into a more intense one to keep the listener hooked. 'This Isn't Heaven, This Sucks' is a perfect example of a song that, while lacking a refrain, manages to be consistently gripping through the explosive riffing and the rapid but fluid changes between sections, building in tension towards a climax at the end of the song. 'Get Out of My Dojo' includes a steadily building rhythmic assault that shows the band's taut interplay at its best, recalling the progressive leanings of other emo bands like Gospel and Kidcrash. Ten Grand specialise in songwriting over experimentalism, though, and this much is evident in the frankly amazing album closer 'Now You Got What I Got'. Fulfilling the "emotional" part of "emotional hardcore" by all means, it tumbles chaotically towards an intense and emotionally exhausting coda, wringing as much feeling as possible out of the song through the soaring tremolo guitars and Davis' ambiguous but nevertheless very affecting repetition of "it's like an accident that we keep on knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting" until the song collapses in on itself.

Never has an album title been more accurate. It should go without saying how tragic it is that Matt Davis passed away following the release of this album, especially as the band could have potentially been very big news indeed had they carried on down the same path. As it is, we're left with this brilliant Southern Records-released memento of one of the best emo/post-hardcore/whatever bands ever to exist. If anyone ever knew the way to rule, it was Ten Grand.

$i feel like a veteran$ i forgot how to leave. $i feel like j. gosh$ i will not go back to school, $i i feel just like bill buckner$ i forgot i need it, $and everyone that you forgot$ i forgot how to need it. for all the time i keep waiting, the times you kept saying go, you're done twisting arms. backed up and down, a new ratio, for who's laughing now, who's winning now? i hide my jokes inside the kitchen broom so you can start practicing for the rest of your life, they wrote you in to stay down, we mean it, stay down, you can't move, the wait is so hard, but you blew it all.
i recall saying you'll never forget this again for the rest of your life. $what's the word on the street?$
somehow i recall...
$it's probably nothing, baby$
i'll never have the time to explain, i don't think i'll find the time to explain, i know i won't ever want to have to explain, let's give up on verbs and nouns, because sometimes you mean it, but everybody's got too many words, and sometimes you mean it but everybody's got too many words, just shut up once for me, please shut up once for me, just shut up once for me, just shut up for once in your life, while they were talking to you, i kept on driving in and ran down every thought, who's waiting now, you've got to dig yourself out, you have to dig yourself out, you have to dig yourself out.
-Ten Grand; 'This Isn't Heaven, This Sucks'

Ten Grand - This Is the Way to Rule

(Check out how good they were live!)

Ten Grand

2008, #2: Have a Nice Life - Deathconsciousness

This time last year I made one of the most surprising and unexpected musical discoveries I've had in a long time. After hearing much enthusing from one or two people on a music forum I posted on, I glanced at the band's website which held the bold claim "The band Have a Nice Life would like to announce that they have recorded the most depressing record in the history of music". Did I think that it was an overambitious statement? Of course. Did I think that there was a certain element of pretension to it? Undoubtedly. Did it have me hooked? Absolutely.

Have a Nice Life is essentially the Connecticut-based musical partnership between two friends, Tim Macuga and Dan Barrett. Formed in 2000, it's been a long road to where they are now: Deathconsciousness is the product of their musical endeavours during a five-year period. Spanning two discs and accompanied by a fascinating 75-page booklet that explains the dark religious history that the album references, it is a triumph of the DIY home recording approach, showing just how ambitious and emotionally accomplished an album two people can make using a laptop, a guitar, a microphone and Logic. Initially given almost no real promotion whatsoever, what started as a few enthusiastic whispers about the album's brilliance spread like wildfire through word-of-mouth on forums and sites like RateYourMusic.com, eventually making it a cult hit and leading to the first CD-R pressing completely selling out on the label's webstore.

Deathconsciousness

With the facts out of the way, let's touch on the album's concept. Though in practice the album is a hugely personal statement from the authors that spills out way beyond cold conceptual ponderings into something that is emotionally pretty intoxicating and affecting, all the lyrics of the album are tinged by a fascination for the symbolism and religious history of an obscure religious cult named Antiocheanism that supposedly emerged during the later years of the Roman Empire. The central teaching of this sect was the idea of Deathconsciousness: the all-consuming awareness that death surrounds us, is final, and is utterly inevitable, therefore prompting the question - "What is the point?" I don't have the booklet to hand and it's a while since I've read it, but while this is a very grim viewpoint that I certainly wouldn't want to dwell on for too long, the booklet alone is a reason to buy this: written by a professor at the University of Massachussets, it is a beautifully harrowing read, detailing the life and legacy of the near-mythical Antiochus and the terrifying themes of his teachings. When read while listening to the album, it makes for an overwhelming experience - so while I provide you with the music here, which is really the principal reason I love this album, if you enjoy what you hear I strongly recommend you purchase the album from the Enemies List website as the only way you'll really get the most out of this album is if you combine it with a read through the booklet.

To some of you, that probably (and understandably) all sounds pompous and self-indulgent. Allow me, then, to sell you on the music itself, which is why I'm writing about the album after all. The Enemies List site describes the album as falling "somewhere between My Bloody Valentine, Joy Division, and Swans" - that's probably as good an introductory statement to the sound of the album as anything else you're going to find. Mixing dark fuzzy shoegaze guitars with hulking great cavernous industrial drum sounds, everything thoroughly soaked in reverb, the production relies on lo-fi sensibilities but at the same time manages to sound enormous. The rawness of the mixing may put some audiophiles off, but frankly I can't imagine this working with a more polished sound - part of the charm of the record is the emphasis on home recording sensibilities, and besides, the hazy fuzz that many of the songs shroud themselves in is part of what makes the mood of the album so powerful. Despite these initially abrasive production values, Deathconsciousness is a surprisingly accessible album: 'Bloodhail' is a weighty, moody and utterly brilliant song with a wonderful bassline and echoing vocal harmonies that would find themselves very much at home in The Cure's discography, while the first half of 'Holy Fucking Shit: 40,000' is a lo-fi indie-pop ditty with some wonderful lines ("I've replaced my heart with metal parts/And I'm working just fine, but I can't get it to start") and the massive hooks of pacier post-punk numbers 'Waiting For Black Metal Records To Come in the Mail' and 'Deep, Deep' are barely contained by the raw production. My personal favourites on the album are 'The Big Gloom' and 'Earthmover': the plaintive melodies of the former are initially anchored by a wall of fuzzed-up guitars and bass, before the drums kick in and the wall of sound becomes something unbelievably gorgeous, enveloping your ears and tugging at your heartstrings. The latter has a kind of graceful beauty in its monolithic fuzz, the noise eventually giving way to a serene wash of vocal harmony before the gloriously loud shoegazing conclusion kicks in to end the album in style. Quieter, more understated numbers like 'I Don't Love' and 'Who Would Leave Their Son Out in the Sun?' give the album an even greater sense of depth. The instrumental 'A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut', despite its ridiculous title, destroys me in the best possible way every time I hear its subtle but overwhelmingly affecting chord progressions, setting the mood for the album wonderfully. Some of these songs have become kind of personal for me, providing the soundtrack to many of my more brooding moments over the last year.

I could write a lot more about this album, but it would get even more indulgent than this article already is, so I'll round things up. Deathconsciousness succeeds in that it is simultaneously accessible and brilliantly ambitious, setting the benchmark for home recording and really challenging DIY artists to record something similarly creative and engaging using a laptop and microphone in their own bedroom. Musically, lyrically, and conceptually it is a very powerful emotional experience that, when combined with the accompanying booklet, will likely keep you fascinated for a while if you're anything like me. Regardless - check out the two discs linked to below, and, if you enjoy them, I really recommend that you download the $5 booklet/album package from the band's website because Deathconsciousness, at its most rewarding, is a sprawling experience to fully immerse and lose yourself in.

Sleeping in and out of an ice bath
No warmth, no life without
It's too much, my arms, my legs are wood, unconscious trees with roots deep in the ground
We will all be out, soon, an ocean ringed with tile.
I know that's not your style but it certainly will be mine if I can't make this right.

So please, please, please, release me.

Can you hear my faintest breath, is it amplified?
The number that I've become will put you inside
I've got a message that I must relay
No, I can't delay it one more time (it's not going well)
It is desperate, can you relate, can you please, please relate? (I'm not holding up)
I am trapped, I'm stuck here on this bathroom floor and I don't have much more hope or pride
No air, no food (but I'm sure that I'm still alive..)

Just open your eyes, your dead ones (all ashes on the floor)
I will never need you more, just open your eyes, your dead ones.
-Have a Nice Life; "Bloodhail"

Have a Nice Life - Deathconsciousness (Disc 1: The Plow That Broke the Plains)
Have a Nice Life - Deathconsciousness (Disc 2: The Future)